Category: Ask the Coach

Q: “I’m realizing I’m a glutton for punishment when it comes to trying to fix other people’s problems. My boyfriend, my mother, even my coworkers — they constantly ask for my advice, but too often just criticize me after I offer it. We end up angry and resentful. I love them and want to help. What am I doing wrong?”

First — you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re doing something very human.

What’s so bad about wanting to be a fixer? We only do it because we want our loved ones to be happy, right? And yet, as you’ve learned from hard experience, the failure rate is usually off the charts when it comes to “fixing” other people’s problems.

Here’s the thing: most people who ask for advice don’t actually want advice. They want to be heard. They want to feel understood. They want to vent, process, or simply not feel alone in whatever they’re dealing with. When we rush in with solutions, we accidentally communicate that we’re not really listening — we’re just waiting to fix.

The real question is: why do YOU need to fix it?

Often the urge to fix others is a way of avoiding our own stuff. When we’re busy solving everyone else’s problems, we don’t have to sit with our own. It’s worth asking — honestly — what role this pattern plays in your life.

What actually helps

Ask before you advise. “Do you want me to just listen, or are you looking for ideas?” Simple question. Game-changing.

Know your limits. You can care about someone deeply without taking responsibility for their life. That’s not cold — that’s healthy.

Work on your own stuff. The less you need external validation, the less you’ll need others to take your advice. When your own life feels on track, you stop needing to manage theirs.

The people in your life are lucky to have someone who cares this much. Now channel some of that care toward yourself.

Now available: Get Out of Your Own Way — A System for Living. Right here. Where you are. Listen to part one — as a gift to get fully started — or get all 5 sessions (and bonus session and workbook) at GOYOW. Enjoy!

Q: “I’ve felt stuck for a while now — in my job, in my life, in my head. I know something needs to change but I don’t even know where to begin. Every time I try to figure it out I just get more overwhelmed. Help.”

Welcome to being human. Seriously — you just described roughly half the people I talk to.

Here’s what I want you to hear first: feeling stuck is not a character flaw. It’s not laziness. It’s not weakness. It’s what happens when the life you’re living has stopped matching the person you’re becoming. That gap — between where you are and where you sense you could be — is actually a healthy signal. It means something in you is ready to move.

The problem is we try to think our way out of stuck. We make lists. We research. We compare ourselves to other people. We wait for the perfect moment. And all of that activity keeps us very busy while keeping us exactly where we are.

Here’s where I’d suggest starting

Stop trying to figure out the whole thing. You don’t need to see the whole staircase — you just need the next step. One honest question: what’s one small thing that feels more like me? Not a plan. Not a goal. Just one small thing.

Put reality on a shelf for a minute. Most of what keeps us stuck is a story we’re telling ourselves about what’s possible, what we deserve, or what other people will think. None of that is reality. It’s a story. And stories can change.

Write it down. Not a journal, not a diary — just a notebook. Write what you actually want. Not what you think you should want. What you WANT. Uncensored, unfiltered, no judgment. You’ll be surprised what comes out.

Stuck is a starting point, not a destination. The fact that you’re asking the question means you’re already moving.

Now available: Get Out of Your Own Way — A System for Living. Right here. Where you are. Listen to part one — as a gift to get fully started — or get all 5 sessions (and bonus session and workbook) at GOYOW. Enjoy!

Q: “I’m feeling stuck in my career, and even in my relationships, which aren’t fulfilling anymore. I’ve had some traditional therapy and it was helpful, but I’m reading more and more about life coaches and I’m wondering — what’s the difference? Why would someone choose to work with a life coach instead of a therapist?”

This is an easy one. For starters, therapy is incredibly valuable and I encourage anyone struggling with serious mental health issues — depression, anxiety, trauma — to absolutely consider it. Let’s be clear: life coaching is NOT therapy.

But here’s what millions of people are finding out: coaching can be a tremendously helpful — some would say life-changing — resource that lifts the fog of confusion around a life challenge, quiets a noisy, negative mind, and helps you get genuinely unstuck and moving forward.

So what does a life coach actually do?

A good coach helps you get clear on what you actually want — not what you think you should want, not what others expect of you — what YOU want. Then we work together on what’s in the way, and how to move past it. It’s forward-focused, practical, and often surprisingly fast.

Coaching isn’t about going back through your old story. That’s valuable work, but it’s a different kind of work. Coaching is about living in the NOW and proactively creating the present and future you’ve been dreaming about.

Who needs a coach?

Honestly? Almost anyone who’s feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or like they’re not living the life they’re capable of. You don’t have to be in crisis. You just have to be ready for something different.

The question isn’t really “do I need a coach.” The question is: are you tired of getting in your own way?

If the answer is yes — that’s exactly where we start.

Now available: Get Out of Your Own Way — A System for Living. Right here. Where you are. Listen to part one — as a gift to get fully started — or get all 5 sessions (and bonus session and workbook) at GOYOW. Enjoy!